The irony is not lost on me. But instead of hiding behind it, I’m going to share it – because honesty among mothers, among women, is one of the most refreshing and much needed qualities, amid the storm of expectation, pressure and overwhelm we live in.
Why irony? Because last year I wrote a post ‘Mother’s Day is up to you‘. Here’s an excerpt:
Motherhood is a responsibility; a job for life. Motherhood is something else too: it’s an opportunity.
- to see ourselves as we see our children, that is, as very special and important;
- to nurture ourselves, just as we nurture our children; and
- to grow and flourish, just as we encourage our children to.
Are you reading between the lines? Do you see the message here? What’s so very important, is not what others do for us, but the action we take to be kind to ourselves. It’s about how we see ourselves, how we treat ourselves.
Last year after writing that, and putting myself in the right mindset, I had a soul-filling Mother’s Day that I created for myself. I felt empowered, expansive with love and life, gratitude for the gift of motherhood, and a deep sense of inner peace and contentment.
This year in the lead up to Mothers Day I’d been busy –
graduating as a Registered Yoga Teacher, continuing my advanced training, preparing for a Dear Mummy event (Meditation for Mums, a resounding success, phew & yay, and set to become a regular event series!), work with overtime… And so, in the lead up to Mother’s Day I hadn’t taken time to Stop. To Check in with myself. To Relax into the idea that Mother’s Day is up to me. And I fell into that trap; I fell again hard, with disappointment for the day that wasn’t. I cried in bed that night as he sat up watching TV.
You see, despite me writing my book, all these blogs, posting inspiration up on Facebook and Instagram, and designing Events to help mummies glow… I’m still human. I get it wrong sometimes, even though:
I KNOW our reality is the story we tell ourselves;
I KNOW when we change perspective we find peace;
I KNOW he loves me and appreciates me;
I KNOW he’s human too and things didn’t go either of our way that day.
I had my yoga training so he was on Daddy duty, and our eldest tested him big time, pushing him to his limits. I got home at 5pm when things were at boiling point. He was feeling overwhelmed and at breaking point. Yes, it was Mother’s Day, but actually, we’re in this together: this massive rollercoaster of a ride that we have to seriously strap in for, called parenting.
Any day can be Mother’s Day. In fact, every day is, if we change perspective and take the attitude that motherhood is an opportunity for growth. So too, is fatherhood. And as it turned out, he and I both grew a lot last Sunday. Individually from our own reflection, and we grew closer together too. And it was from something he did, words that this time he wrote, not me. As I cried myself to sleep, it turns out he was reflecting on the day and he shared the words he’d written with me the next morning…
This was a very personal reflection but he’s agreed to me sharing a small excerpt here:
Don’t be a victim, be a leader. The girls will reflect you; how you handle things, how you recover. How fast you can reset. How you can lead through behaviours.
Try harder, be better. They 3 love you, you love them. Be patient and make the love obvious.
Let’s be better tomorrow.
I cried again when I read his words. This time with gratitude. He might not have “done” anything for me on Mother’s Day. But his “being” here for me, his support of my yoga journey, his support of me building Dear Mummy, his love for us 3… that’s Enough. That’s more than enough. As a mum, I understand what it’s like to feel overwhelmed and at breaking point, as he was that day. My opportunity that evening was to grow and flourish by practicing compassion, empathy, understanding.
And that, after all, is what us women have flowing through our veins. Mother Nature made us all warm, and soft, and loving. It’s what we do. It’s what we do best.
So I’ve been doing my own reflection this week. As always, it’s important to me not to post in social media ‘just because’ it’s a commercial day; and this one in particular a day on which you might have expected to hear from me in my capacity to offer musings and motivation to mummies. I write when I’m inspired to write and I always post from the heart. So although it’s now a week after Mother’s Day, I hope this will still be relevant, and inspire and empower you too.
My 5 lessons from the heart, to the heart:
- Remember that Mother’s Day is up to me. Don’t rely on him; that creates pressure. Know that one day, before I know it, my girls will be old enough to show their own way of celebrating the day. Be patient ’til then.
- Be a Mother on Mother’s Day. Although in my Dear Mummy work I talk about the women you are, “not just mummy”, perhaps on Mother’s Day it’s about being the Mum; perhaps the day to take time for myself is another day.
- Be present to what is. If the day turns to custard, sit with what is, do some deep breathing to centre myself, and go with the flow. Remember one of my values is harmony and the attributes for living that are most important to me are steadiness and ease. When I’m reminded of my values, I find perspective.
- Grow and flourish. I am divinely feminine. I am warm, soft and loving. I can expand into these qualities to create or restore harmony, and then all will be well, and we all will flourish.
- Be grateful for what I have. A happy, whole, and healthy family. What more could a mother want.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Thanks for the reminder, Wayne Dyer.
In honour of all mothers, and fathers, with love and respect from both of us
Tui and Hamish xx